Can you judge somebody by one mistake they did?

‘Such silence has an actual sound, the sound of disappearance.’

-Suzanne Finnamore

Dear person behind the screen,

let’s take a moment (or maybe 3) to talk about one of the worst things that could happen in a relationship: cheating. Now, cheating on its own is not as interesting, and is definitely not a pleasant topic to talk about. However I still want to address it to a certain degree, I want to talk about people who do it.

People are one of the most fascinating creatures and so human psychology is like an ocean, what we know about it is barely scratching the surface. There are so many reasons to why people do it. Of course there are ones when people cannot fully embrace the monogamy, or where people just enjoy the feeling of it. But I don’t want to be talking about those people. There are those people who do it as a mistake. I don’t think there is anybody who is properly clean, we all did one mistake on the other. And how can we judge which mistake is worse?

What if a person did it because they were hurt and the relationship hasn’t been working out, like living with strangers and then you find the care you were seeking, the soft and gentle touch you lacked. And of course, then you realise what you have done and even though you don’t want to hurt them, you have to end the relationship and so you do. But that doesn’t change the fact that you have cheated. But if it has happened, does it mean you will do it again? I have heard people say ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’. But is it actually true? Can’t people change? And isn’t it unfair to judge every single person as the same one? Does it mean that all people who cheat are the same?

For some reason, I don’t agree.

Truly yours,

…

xxx

Are we worth fighting for?

‘Fear is the glue that keeps you stuck. Faith is the solvent that sets you free.’

-Shannon L. Alder

Dear person behind the screen,

how long can you allow somebody to hurt you? And I am not talking about serious physical or mental abuse, because that you should not be able to tolerate, who ever you are, I strongly believe that you should never silence abuse. As scary as it may be, you should always speak out about it because not only will you be protecting yourself, but you will be protecting others, who could possibly suffer too. And no matter how alone you feel, there is always somebody who has gone through the same thing.

However ever how long can you allow a person to hurt you in little ways? Break promises to call, break promises to write, break promises to care. What if time after time, you realise ‘no, I am not your priority. You are your own priority.’ And of course there is nothing wrong that, we all fall in love at different paces, same as we all care with different passion. That is not to say that he/she don’t want to care as much, perhaps they care the best they can. It is just not enough for us.

And yes, you could look at the relationship and say, well why do you stay in it if you think it’s not enough? Well what if when things are truly happy and you two are together, than it is more than enough and you understand that they do care. But love can never be as smooth as peanut butter, you always find a clump. But perhaps if you can take that clump out, that means you two are meant to be? But does that mean you should eat the little disappointments of present to find the answer?

Truly yours,

…

xxx

Does true love exist for all?

‘The course of true love never did run smooth.’

-William Shakespeare.

Dear person behind the screen,

what is true love? I think it has become a theme of mine to say that there is no one answer to this. As perhaps there is no answer to love at all, I mean can you tell me what love truly is in one simple sentence? To say honestly, if you can fit all those extraordinary feelings into one 5 word sentence, I don’t think you actually know what love is. Because I suppose love is everything and it would take a book longer than War and Peace to describe it.

But one thing I did wonder this morning is what does it take to love truly? Because I will be very honest with you I do not think that every single person out there is capable of true love. In fact I do not think that most people even meet their true love, a lot just give up looking because they think the perfect does not exist. And so they settle for something they think they deserve and for something they think is right. But what those people fail to understand is that the perfect does exist, only it is different for every one of us. When we fall in love truly all the faults of the ones we love somehow emerge into one and we love them for that and perhaps even stop noticing them with time. Because we accept them for who they truly are and we love that person.

I know every other person out there claims that they have been in love at least once in their life. But is it really true? Do they just think they have been in love? But was it real love? I think I have grown to understand that you really have to be a certain person inside to actually recognise true love and more over to feel it. Of course we can all feel sympathy and attraction, but can we all feel love?

Truly yours,

…

xxx

A golden cage is still a cage…

‘When someone loves you, the way they talk about you is different.’

-Jess C. Scott

Dear person behind the screen,

relationships are complicated, even the simple once are complicated. Maybe it’s due to our nature, humans love to over think and over complicate even the most simple things of all. But relationships are hard because for once you don’t just care for your own heart (at least that how it’s supposed to be in my mind), you care for somebody elses heart too. A heart which was a stranger at first, but then became one of the closest. I guess there isn’t just one secret to how to keep a functional relationship, there are a million of them and every couple has their own. This is why I always disagreed with the lists magazines post, because what’s right for them, isn’t necessarily right for you. You have to learn how to stay in love yourself, the rest can just offer suggestions. After numerous of heart breaks I have discovered the secret for me. Or at least it is the secret of my present.

The secret of freedom.

Freedom comes in so many different forms and shapes. I know a lot of people, or at least people I knew in the past, who think that when you enter a relationship you give your freedom away. You are no longer alone or a one, from now on you are two. If before I was fooled in believing that, I reject the idea now. I do not believe that you have to talk to a person 24/7 (especially if it is a long distance relationship), I don’t think it is necessary to give the person an hour to an hour account of what you are doing each day, and updating the other person of your moves hourly. NO! I reject this idea now. I think you can and you have to be free in a relationship to make it last.

With freedom comes trust, the trust to know that regardless of what the person will be doing, where and who with, the person will always stay faithful to you. Of course you may want and need to set some basic grounds because we all have our different ideas of ‘normal’. But what isn’t normal is locking the person inside a cage, even if it is a golden cage, it is still a cage. Now I think there is something special when you two have the freedom to do things you want and then come back to the same bed and share all the minutes of happiness you had separate together. Of course there will always be people who would prefer the golden cage, but that will never be me.

Truly yours,

…

xxx