Hidden Behind Dreams

“Because no matter what they say, you always have a choice. You just don’t always have the guts to make it.”
― Ray N. Kuili, Awakening

Dear Person Behind The Screen,

Sometimes I sit in my room and turn on music, spin on my chair and imagine. Imagine things I want to happen, or how I want to live my life, or how I want to be myself. I spend hours imagining it and even though happy in my dreams, I also feel sad because those dreams are not fully a reality. But why can’t it be?

If you want to act a certain way and you can see yourself being happier, then why don’t you? Because I don’t think changing yourself and your personality to the point when you are happy is faking it. Faking is when you are being dishonest to yourself first. And locking yourself in a cage of behaviour you are perhaps used to, is lying to yourself. And how can that ever make you happy?

I started to think that sometimes, I close my eyes and only then I see the real me. And when my eyes are opened I feel a person hidden by various social normal, social expectations and all of the others bla bla blas.

What I am saying is; if changing your hair makes you happy – DO IT, if laughing loud makes you happy – DO IT. As long as you are not of harm to others around you, why can’t you be you and be happy?

Truly yours,

xxx

Never on Your List

“Don’t shave my head to make your wig of selfishness. Shave it because you care.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALEHow-to-love-1

Dear Person Behind the Screen,

I have learnt to understand that it is impossible to expect people to do exactly what you would do in their situation.

Wait, this is rather vague.

I feel like it is rather natural for people to need somebody who cares. An obvious rule of that, is being the one who cares too. Because how can you expect something honest and real when you can’t give it in return. This sounds rather materialistic, but isn’t it true? I mean can you truly appreciate or experience love if you are not capable of love? My opinion: no. And the same opinion applies to care too.

With love it is somewhat different because sometimes you fall in love and there is really little you can do about it, and sometimes you don’t even choose who you fall in love with. But is it the same with care? At what point do you stop yourself from caring about somebody who does not care (or at least does not care enough) about you and is it even possible?

And I understand that every individual has their own level of capability to show love or care. But when you are willing to do so much just to let the person know you are here for them… and well when you need them you hear radio silence.

And don’t get me wrong, I understand that sometimes people make mistakes and there are misunderstandings and so many other reasons which later turn into excuses. So when is it crossing the line?

For me love is more than just holding hands. So when the person is there for you to share happiness, but is missing from your misery… is it still love?

What do you think?

Truly yours,

xxx

Life Knows No Time

 

“There comes a time when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your own heart. So you’d better learn the sound of it. Otherwise you’ll never understand what it’s saying.”
― Sarah Dessen, Just Listen 

Dear Person Behind The Screen,

Life goes on. Goes on in ways it is hard to imagine, sometimes you can plan things and it is great. Sometimes you don’t plan anything and somehow it works out for the best (even better than you could have possibly imagined). But then there are other times, when things don’t work out. I think with years, I have grown to realise that when things don’t happen exactly how you want it, it is not all that bad, in fact some times it opens a world much better. And not just a better world, a better you grows out of the experience.

It is almost impossible to avoid change. Life knows no time.

However what I have grown to realise, is that life does move on and there are people and things that leave our life (which is normal too) and sometimes we just have no time to maintain things. Recently it hit me ‘I have no time’ has turned from a reason to an excuse. I no longer use it when I am actually busy, but I say it when I am not sure or simply too lazy.

This has led me to another thought.

Because of these excuses I have abandoned the little things I used to love and treasure. And I think this is wrong. If something brings us happiness (no matter how little it is) we should try our best to find time for it. Because at the end of the day, most often, it is the little things which make our days worth while. And at the end of the day, you don’t know how many of those little things will turn into big things.

Truly yours,

xxx

Can you love through the pain?

“We accept the love we think we deserve.”
― Stephen Chbosky

Dear person behind the screen,

and so I tell you I need to talk. And so I tell you how it is important to me to talk today. And so you say you understand. And so you will say you will be capable of calling. And you would put me in front of everything and help me talk to me. Of course I didn’t tell you that something serious had happened. Was that the mistake? But I did tell you that I need to talk. Do I even need to so specify that I got a text from you at 4 am saying you won’t call? I suppose I didn’t, but let’s make things apparent.

So what does this mean? Does it mean you don’t care and sex drugs and rockNroll goes in front of me uncoditionally? Would I ask too much if I would expect you to call for 5 minutes to at least ask what happened? Or text me through what is happening? But no, your friends are more important.

The question is. Do you accept it? Becuase the problem is that when you put this aside, you two are almost perfect together and happiness doesn’t end (too cliche?). So what do you do about ‘little’ things like that? They do hurt and you do mention them, but as in everything history always repeats itself. How do you deal with this?

One thing I learned is that you can’t save everybody, same as you can’t change people just because of what they do to you. I mean they are people to and they are who they are, if you fall in love you fall in love with the person they are, not the person you can make out of them. Confusion. Can you love through the pain?

I know that I am not going to ask you ‘is it worth it question’ because only you know whether it is worth it or not, nobody knows your relationship as good as you do. But how do you decide if it is?

Truly yours,

xxx

Humanity where are you?

Dear person behind the screen,

it is very late in the part of the world where I am and sleep is falling upon me. However I couldn’t just fall asleep because my thoughts do not let go of my conscious. I never thought that opening a browser and reading news would be something I would be terrified, something I would fear of. And yet, I do. Something so simple could be so difficult. Yet there is a very simple answer to why it is the case, because I know that every time I would open another article my hope in humanity will be dying with another attack.

I do not want to talk about politics here and discuss who is right and who is wrong because there are always two truths and debating which one is the correct one is not only out of my competence, but also (most importantly) is out of my desires. However I do want to just remember those innosent people who are suffering from decissions which never belonged to them, for people who are a decoration for somebody else’s play.

Anger only encourages anger, so I am bring flowers. I don’t want my generation to become another generation of war and loss. It is impossible to change the world, but it is easy to change yourself. And that is a very good place to start.

Truly yours,

xxx

How long can you blame me for something they did?

“I guess that’s just part of loving people: You have to give things up. Sometimes you even have to give them up.”
― Lauren Oliver

Dear person behind the screen,

let’s say you fall for someone. Let’s say you fall hard and you really want this to last, you really think it is special. And let’s say the person falls for you too. Perfect scenario isn’t it? But what if that person have really been hurt in the past and that past still lingers on his lips. And every time he kisses you, he remembers the kisses of the past pain. Now that doesn’t mean he or she is not fully committed to you, they are, but they are still broken and there is little they can do about it.

So you accept it, because you accept them fully. And you keep picking up the pieces. But what if those pieces are sharp and every time you take one in your hand and hand it over, you help them, but you hurt yourself. Looking in their eyes you know what they feel towards you, but they will never say it and sometimes they act like they don’t care because they are scared to let go fully. And you understand that and once again you accept it.

But how long can you be hurt because of something somebody else have done? They are long gone and probably have moved on. And he/she too, they moved on too and don’t even understand that the past you had nothing to do with and wasn’t a player in, hurts you daily because you are the one left with the consequences of somebody elses heart-break.

How long can this go on? Do you sacrifice yourself if that means you’re the one will be happier? Or does your happiness matter the most?

Truly yours,

xxx

A movement to keep living.

‘The best way out is always through.’

-Robert Frost

Dear person behind the screen,

‘Breathe in… Breathe out…’ – those are the words I heard so often from so many people around me, be it a yoga instructor, my mother or my friends. And I know many of you have heard these words, which supposed to help you whether you are feeling sad, angry or cheated. Does breathing actually help? I think it truly does on one level, it does help you to calm down that instance(or maybe a few instances after that). But I think I have grown to understand the real meaning of these words, they have a rather metaphorical meaning.

Of course, breathing is important, breathing sustains life. But I think through out life it is important to learn how to breathe out your problems. Because let’s be honest did worrying ever help anyone? Well okay, I must agree that there is probably a case where it did help, but still, not the point. The point is that if you keep worrying about the little things, there is a big chance that you might miss the actual ‘big’ thing. So I think I am growing to understand that one of the most important things you can learn in life is to care for things which are truly important to you and your closests, the rest comes after (if it comes at all).

Of course to determine what is important and what’s not it is important to find an aim you strike for, maybe an aim and purpose in life sounds a bit too much and so I am saying an aim that is important to you now. Yes, looking back in 10 years you might think that you wasted your time on it, but if it was important for you then, this is all that matters. I think in life we should always have a certain aim or a direction. Otherwise is it life at all if you never strike to move?

Truly yours,

xxx