Never on Your List

“Don’t shave my head to make your wig of selfishness. Shave it because you care.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALEHow-to-love-1

Dear Person Behind the Screen,

I have learnt to understand that it is impossible to expect people to do exactly what you would do in their situation.

Wait, this is rather vague.

I feel like it is rather natural for people to need somebody who cares. An obvious rule of that, is being the one who cares too. Because how can you expect something honest and real when you can’t give it in return. This sounds rather materialistic, but isn’t it true? I mean can you truly appreciate or experience love if you are not capable of love? My opinion: no. And the same opinion applies to care too.

With love it is somewhat different because sometimes you fall in love and there is really little you can do about it, and sometimes you don’t even choose who you fall in love with. But is it the same with care? At what point do you stop yourself from caring about somebody who does not care (or at least does not care enough) about you and is it even possible?

And I understand that every individual has their own level of capability to show love or care. But when you are willing to do so much just to let the person know you are here for them… and well when you need them you hear radio silence.

And don’t get me wrong, I understand that sometimes people make mistakes and there are misunderstandings and so many other reasons which later turn into excuses. So when is it crossing the line?

For me love is more than just holding hands. So when the person is there for you to share happiness, but is missing from your misery… is it still love?

What do you think?

Truly yours,

xxx

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Can you judge somebody by one mistake they did?

‘Such silence has an actual sound, the sound of disappearance.’

-Suzanne Finnamore

Dear person behind the screen,

let’s take a moment (or maybe 3) to talk about one of the worst things that could happen in a relationship: cheating. Now, cheating on its own is not as interesting, and is definitely not a pleasant topic to talk about. However I still want to address it to a certain degree, I want to talk about people who do it.

People are one of the most fascinating creatures and so human psychology is like an ocean, what we know about it is barely scratching the surface. There are so many reasons to why people do it. Of course there are ones when people cannot fully embrace the monogamy, or where people just enjoy the feeling of it. But I don’t want to be talking about those people. There are those people who do it as a mistake. I don’t think there is anybody who is properly clean, we all did one mistake on the other. And how can we judge which mistake is worse?

What if a person did it because they were hurt and the relationship hasn’t been working out, like living with strangers and then you find the care you were seeking, the soft and gentle touch you lacked. And of course, then you realise what you have done and even though you don’t want to hurt them, you have to end the relationship and so you do. But that doesn’t change the fact that you have cheated. But if it has happened, does it mean you will do it again? I have heard people say ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’. But is it actually true? Can’t people change? And isn’t it unfair to judge every single person as the same one? Does it mean that all people who cheat are the same?

For some reason, I don’t agree.

Truly yours,

xxx

When you are so stressed out you feel like your book shelf is looking at you…

‘Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, it empties today of its strength.’

-Corrie ten Boom

Dear person behind the screen,

Before, when I was younger stress wasn’t a thing which has really bothered me, some how I have always been able to turn my mind away from the problem, laugh it off and focus on something more pleasant. And some how, I have always managed to get by all the stress and worries. But I guess this is the childhood/teenage carefree life. But now, the older I grow, the easier stress finds holes within my nerves to get to me. In the past year, I had to move two times, and the third one is getting close again. The first time I moved I was pre-occupied with other issues and I had help from the closest people, so it had just went by. The second time I was on my own and I got so stressed out that I threw half of my belongings out and spent hours tearing on my friend’s shoulder. Now I have a week till I will move (to a different country too) and I realise that too much has to be done in the little time and so I am sitting far far away not even at a place I have to worry, but I am worried out of my mind.

The paradox is that deep inside of me there is a voice saying that all will be fine and even though there is a short time limit – I will do it all. But it is very hard to hear that tiny whisper, when my everything is shouting in anger, paranoia and worry. I feel like stress relief is literally one of the most popular things to give advice on, probably because when you look at somebody else’s stress it really looks like nothing much to be stressed about.

One thing I understood that it is actually true. You just shouldn’t worry that much because a. if you will worry and stress out you are increasing the chances of you failing to do what you wanted to do. And b. if you will add up all the time you spent worrying together in a life time, you will really waste a year of your life. So I think one thing I have told myself to do, is to try and enjoy the stressful life, because if you have things to stress about, it means that you have things to care for in your life. And your life won’t always be as active and you won’t always have to sort things outs. This means you are actually living. So when you do feel stressed try to look at your situation as a stranger would and evaluate if it is actually that important to break your nerves over.

Truly yours,

xxx