“Don’t shave my head to make your wig of selfishness. Shave it because you care.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE
Dear Person Behind the Screen,
I have learnt to understand that it is impossible to expect people to do exactly what you would do in their situation.
Wait, this is rather vague.
I feel like it is rather natural for people to need somebody who cares. An obvious rule of that, is being the one who cares too. Because how can you expect something honest and real when you can’t give it in return. This sounds rather materialistic, but isn’t it true? I mean can you truly appreciate or experience love if you are not capable of love? My opinion: no. And the same opinion applies to care too.
With love it is somewhat different because sometimes you fall in love and there is really little you can do about it, and sometimes you don’t even choose who you fall in love with. But is it the same with care? At what point do you stop yourself from caring about somebody who does not care (or at least does not care enough) about you and is it even possible?
And I understand that every individual has their own level of capability to show love or care. But when you are willing to do so much just to let the person know you are here for them… and well when you need them you hear radio silence.
And don’t get me wrong, I understand that sometimes people make mistakes and there are misunderstandings and so many other reasons which later turn into excuses. So when is it crossing the line?
For me love is more than just holding hands. So when the person is there for you to share happiness, but is missing from your misery… is it still love?
What do you think?
“I guess that’s just part of loving people: You have to give things up. Sometimes you even have to give them up.”
― Lauren Oliver
Dear person behind the screen,
let’s say you fall for someone. Let’s say you fall hard and you really want this to last, you really think it is special. And let’s say the person falls for you too. Perfect scenario isn’t it? But what if that person have really been hurt in the past and that past still lingers on his lips. And every time he kisses you, he remembers the kisses of the past pain. Now that doesn’t mean he or she is not fully committed to you, they are, but they are still broken and there is little they can do about it.
So you accept it, because you accept them fully. And you keep picking up the pieces. But what if those pieces are sharp and every time you take one in your hand and hand it over, you help them, but you hurt yourself. Looking in their eyes you know what they feel towards you, but they will never say it and sometimes they act like they don’t care because they are scared to let go fully. And you understand that and once again you accept it.
But how long can you be hurt because of something somebody else have done? They are long gone and probably have moved on. And he/she too, they moved on too and don’t even understand that the past you had nothing to do with and wasn’t a player in, hurts you daily because you are the one left with the consequences of somebody elses heart-break.
How long can this go on? Do you sacrifice yourself if that means you’re the one will be happier? Or does your happiness matter the most?
‘Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realising that the only perfect you really have control over is yourself.’
Dear person behind the screen,
for so long now I have written about relationship, how to deal with them while they are still blooming or so to say. And I have also talked about the nature of the mysterious word love, why and most importantly how does it strike us and whether it can strike all of us. But I never before have mentioned how to deal with break up’s. Actually forget the ‘how’, we all have our how’s. But let’s just talk about break up’s. The elegy of heartbreak.
I know that a relationship can be killed in many ways. Sometimes both of the people kill it together because neither of them see the perfect future. Sometimes one person has to take the blame. Sometimes one backstabs the relationship. However when for one reason or another two people who were the closest part away, what happens then?
I know that we all have our ways to deal with pain and it is obvious that if you initiated the break up, then what you do is move on and find your happiness with another. But what if you were left, by somebody you thought you will be with forever. I understand that would hurt, it has to hurt. But I think what hurts more is constantly reminding yourself of it. I know you can’t erase memories and you shouldn’t because every memory in a relationship is a teacher in your new love. Whether you accept the lesson or not, it is out there.
But I am talking about reminders like stalking their social media, stalking their friends to find out what have your lost one has been doing. Or even worse you stalk whether they had found someone new. Why do you do this to yourself? And this stalking, I’m sure that your lost one will find it out too and it won’t make them feel any better knowing you are still in the same park they have left months ago. Of course there are people who might enjoy that, but not most people are like that I don’t think.
So this leads me to thinking, if you really loved that person truly, wouldn’t you want them to be happy regardless if it is with you, alone or with somebody else? But I suppose, not all are as strong to allow themselves to leave this moment. Or are is the saying that time is the best doctor true? That all you need is time?
‘Fear is the glue that keeps you stuck. Faith is the solvent that sets you free.’
-Shannon L. Alder
Dear person behind the screen,
how long can you allow somebody to hurt you? And I am not talking about serious physical or mental abuse, because that you should not be able to tolerate, who ever you are, I strongly believe that you should never silence abuse. As scary as it may be, you should always speak out about it because not only will you be protecting yourself, but you will be protecting others, who could possibly suffer too. And no matter how alone you feel, there is always somebody who has gone through the same thing.
However ever how long can you allow a person to hurt you in little ways? Break promises to call, break promises to write, break promises to care. What if time after time, you realise ‘no, I am not your priority. You are your own priority.’ And of course there is nothing wrong that, we all fall in love at different paces, same as we all care with different passion. That is not to say that he/she don’t want to care as much, perhaps they care the best they can. It is just not enough for us.
And yes, you could look at the relationship and say, well why do you stay in it if you think it’s not enough? Well what if when things are truly happy and you two are together, than it is more than enough and you understand that they do care. But love can never be as smooth as peanut butter, you always find a clump. But perhaps if you can take that clump out, that means you two are meant to be? But does that mean you should eat the little disappointments of present to find the answer?
‘For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.’
-Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Dear person behind the screen,
looking at the people around me, looking at ‘grown up’ people in my life, I understand that the friends they made were mainly the friends they made during their youth. Of course they are exclusions from this ( life there are exclusions from everything in life), but as a rule I think I have learned that youth is the time of connections. The time you connect to so many various people, as we grow older it almost seems like we close up and become more suspicious about people around us.
What I am growing to realise is that friendship helps both in happiness and sadness. Yes, I think in happiness we need help too, you can’t be truly happy if you have nobody to share your happiness with. Be it your friends or your family. To be happy truly is not only to feel it yourself to the bottom of your soul, but also to have those special people to feel it and share it with. Because happiness that is not shared, is not happiness at all. And perhaps a person who has nobody to share it with, is the most unhappy one. Nothing ruins happiness more, than living through it alone.
This makes me encourage you to keep that part of youth till the very end of age. Don’t waste aways the jewels of youth.
‘To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness’
Dear person behind the blog,
Parents, they play a very big part of our life. Just excluding the fact that they gave life to us, they also raised us to be the people we are now. I know that a lot may disagree and say that there are bad parents, just as there are good parents. And that only the second can teach us something. I don’t think I can agree with that because those who are not as good at parenting, still show us what we do not want to be, maybe a painful example, but it helps us to understand the people we do not want to be. But looking at the picture more widely, our parents (and so are we) are only humans, we all make mistakes and we all have our regrets.
What I mean is, sometimes we disagree with what our parents say and not understand why our parents can’t see things the way we see them. I mean why can’t people who share our blood, not see what our eyes see. Yes, things like that happen because we are still different people and we were raised differently and most importantly in a different world. A world which shaped their understanding and believes to be completely different to ours. I know my parents really try and learn to see things with my eyes and yes sometimes they fail, but I can’t blame them for that.
What I am trying to say is that our parents had a different life and a different experience from which we had, maybe their life was a lot harder than ours. I know sometimes it may seem that their advice goes completely against what we want for ourselves, but we have to understand they base their advice on their life. But our life is not theirs. But that doesn’t always mean that they don’t understand, just it may be so that what is best for us in their eyes, is not the same what we want to see for ourself.
Sometimes it may be beyond hard for us to overstep ourselves and try see things from their eyes, but sometimes it is necessary in order to save that relationship with them, because at the end of the day they are the two people who will be for us and with us no matter what we do in our lives. That is not to say we have to accept what they tell us, but it does mean that we should try to explain to them our feelings in a way that won’t reject theirs. At the end of the day, even though it might be hard, we have to care for them in the time that we still have them.