How long can you blame me for something they did?

“I guess that’s just part of loving people: You have to give things up. Sometimes you even have to give them up.”
― Lauren Oliver

Dear person behind the screen,

let’s say you fall for someone. Let’s say you fall hard and you really want this to last, you really think it is special. And let’s say the person falls for you too. Perfect scenario isn’t it? But what if that person have really been hurt in the past and that past still lingers on his lips. And every time he kisses you, he remembers the kisses of the past pain. Now that doesn’t mean he or she is not fully committed to you, they are, but they are still broken and there is little they can do about it.

So you accept it, because you accept them fully. And you keep picking up the pieces. But what if those pieces are sharp and every time you take one in your hand and hand it over, you help them, but you hurt yourself. Looking in their eyes you know what they feel towards you, but they will never say it and sometimes they act like they don’t care because they are scared to let go fully. And you understand that and once again you accept it.

But how long can you be hurt because of something somebody else have done? They are long gone and probably have moved on. And he/she too, they moved on too and don’t even understand that the past you had nothing to do with and wasn’t a player in, hurts you daily because you are the one left with the consequences of somebody elses heart-break.

How long can this go on? Do you sacrifice yourself if that means you’re the one will be happier? Or does your happiness matter the most?

Truly yours,

xxx

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A movement to keep living.

‘The best way out is always through.’

-Robert Frost

Dear person behind the screen,

‘Breathe in… Breathe out…’ – those are the words I heard so often from so many people around me, be it a yoga instructor, my mother or my friends. And I know many of you have heard these words, which supposed to help you whether you are feeling sad, angry or cheated. Does breathing actually help? I think it truly does on one level, it does help you to calm down that instance(or maybe a few instances after that). But I think I have grown to understand the real meaning of these words, they have a rather metaphorical meaning.

Of course, breathing is important, breathing sustains life. But I think through out life it is important to learn how to breathe out your problems. Because let’s be honest did worrying ever help anyone? Well okay, I must agree that there is probably a case where it did help, but still, not the point. The point is that if you keep worrying about the little things, there is a big chance that you might miss the actual ‘big’ thing. So I think I am growing to understand that one of the most important things you can learn in life is to care for things which are truly important to you and your closests, the rest comes after (if it comes at all).

Of course to determine what is important and what’s not it is important to find an aim you strike for, maybe an aim and purpose in life sounds a bit too much and so I am saying an aim that is important to you now. Yes, looking back in 10 years you might think that you wasted your time on it, but if it was important for you then, this is all that matters. I think in life we should always have a certain aim or a direction. Otherwise is it life at all if you never strike to move?

Truly yours,

xxx

Because everybody needs a moment to move on…

‘Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realising that the only perfect you really have control over is yourself.’

-Deborah Reber.

Dear person behind the screen,

for so long now I have written about relationship, how to deal with them while they are still blooming or so to say. And I have also talked about the nature of the mysterious word love, why and most importantly how does it strike us and whether it can strike all of us. But I never before have mentioned how to deal with break up’s. Actually forget the ‘how’, we all have our how’s. But let’s just talk about break up’s. The elegy of heartbreak.

I know that a relationship can be killed in many ways. Sometimes both of the people kill it together because neither of them see the perfect future. Sometimes one person has to take the blame. Sometimes one backstabs the relationship. However when for one reason or another two people who were the closest part away, what happens then?

I know that we all have our ways to deal with pain and it is obvious that if you initiated the break up, then what you do is move on and find your happiness with another. But what if you were left, by somebody you thought you will be with forever. I understand that would hurt, it has to hurt. But I think what hurts more is constantly reminding yourself of it. I know you can’t erase memories and you shouldn’t because every memory in a relationship is a teacher in your new love. Whether you accept the lesson or not, it is out there.

But I am talking about reminders like stalking their social media, stalking their friends to find out what have your lost one has been doing. Or even worse you stalk whether they had found someone new. Why do you do this to yourself? And this stalking, I’m sure that your lost one will find it out too and it won’t make them feel any better knowing you are still in the same park they have left months ago. Of course there are people who might enjoy that, but not most people are like that I don’t think.

So this leads me to thinking, if you really loved that person truly, wouldn’t you want them to be happy regardless if it is with you, alone or with somebody else? But I suppose, not all are as strong to allow themselves to leave this moment. Or are is the saying that time is the best doctor true? That all you need is time?

Truly yours,

xxx

Can you judge somebody by one mistake they did?

‘Such silence has an actual sound, the sound of disappearance.’

-Suzanne Finnamore

Dear person behind the screen,

let’s take a moment (or maybe 3) to talk about one of the worst things that could happen in a relationship: cheating. Now, cheating on its own is not as interesting, and is definitely not a pleasant topic to talk about. However I still want to address it to a certain degree, I want to talk about people who do it.

People are one of the most fascinating creatures and so human psychology is like an ocean, what we know about it is barely scratching the surface. There are so many reasons to why people do it. Of course there are ones when people cannot fully embrace the monogamy, or where people just enjoy the feeling of it. But I don’t want to be talking about those people. There are those people who do it as a mistake. I don’t think there is anybody who is properly clean, we all did one mistake on the other. And how can we judge which mistake is worse?

What if a person did it because they were hurt and the relationship hasn’t been working out, like living with strangers and then you find the care you were seeking, the soft and gentle touch you lacked. And of course, then you realise what you have done and even though you don’t want to hurt them, you have to end the relationship and so you do. But that doesn’t change the fact that you have cheated. But if it has happened, does it mean you will do it again? I have heard people say ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’. But is it actually true? Can’t people change? And isn’t it unfair to judge every single person as the same one? Does it mean that all people who cheat are the same?

For some reason, I don’t agree.

Truly yours,

xxx

Are we worth fighting for?

‘Fear is the glue that keeps you stuck. Faith is the solvent that sets you free.’

-Shannon L. Alder

Dear person behind the screen,

how long can you allow somebody to hurt you? And I am not talking about serious physical or mental abuse, because that you should not be able to tolerate, who ever you are, I strongly believe that you should never silence abuse. As scary as it may be, you should always speak out about it because not only will you be protecting yourself, but you will be protecting others, who could possibly suffer too. And no matter how alone you feel, there is always somebody who has gone through the same thing.

However ever how long can you allow a person to hurt you in little ways? Break promises to call, break promises to write, break promises to care. What if time after time, you realise ‘no, I am not your priority. You are your own priority.’ And of course there is nothing wrong that, we all fall in love at different paces, same as we all care with different passion. That is not to say that he/she don’t want to care as much, perhaps they care the best they can. It is just not enough for us.

And yes, you could look at the relationship and say, well why do you stay in it if you think it’s not enough? Well what if when things are truly happy and you two are together, than it is more than enough and you understand that they do care. But love can never be as smooth as peanut butter, you always find a clump. But perhaps if you can take that clump out, that means you two are meant to be? But does that mean you should eat the little disappointments of present to find the answer?

Truly yours,

xxx

Does true love exist for all?

‘The course of true love never did run smooth.’

-William Shakespeare.

Dear person behind the screen,

what is true love? I think it has become a theme of mine to say that there is no one answer to this. As perhaps there is no answer to love at all, I mean can you tell me what love truly is in one simple sentence? To say honestly, if you can fit all those extraordinary feelings into one 5 word sentence, I don’t think you actually know what love is. Because I suppose love is everything and it would take a book longer than War and Peace to describe it.

But one thing I did wonder this morning is what does it take to love truly? Because I will be very honest with you I do not think that every single person out there is capable of true love. In fact I do not think that most people even meet their true love, a lot just give up looking because they think the perfect does not exist. And so they settle for something they think they deserve and for something they think is right. But what those people fail to understand is that the perfect does exist, only it is different for every one of us. When we fall in love truly all the faults of the ones we love somehow emerge into one and we love them for that and perhaps even stop noticing them with time. Because we accept them for who they truly are and we love that person.

I know every other person out there claims that they have been in love at least once in their life. But is it really true? Do they just think they have been in love? But was it real love? I think I have grown to understand that you really have to be a certain person inside to actually recognise true love and more over to feel it. Of course we can all feel sympathy and attraction, but can we all feel love?

Truly yours,

xxx

A golden cage is still a cage…

‘When someone loves you, the way they talk about you is different.’

-Jess C. Scott

Dear person behind the screen,

relationships are complicated, even the simple once are complicated. Maybe it’s due to our nature, humans love to over think and over complicate even the most simple things of all. But relationships are hard because for once you don’t just care for your own heart (at least that how it’s supposed to be in my mind), you care for somebody elses heart too. A heart which was a stranger at first, but then became one of the closest. I guess there isn’t just one secret to how to keep a functional relationship, there are a million of them and every couple has their own. This is why I always disagreed with the lists magazines post, because what’s right for them, isn’t necessarily right for you. You have to learn how to stay in love yourself, the rest can just offer suggestions. After numerous of heart breaks I have discovered the secret for me. Or at least it is the secret of my present.

The secret of freedom.

Freedom comes in so many different forms and shapes. I know a lot of people, or at least people I knew in the past, who think that when you enter a relationship you give your freedom away. You are no longer alone or a one, from now on you are two. If before I was fooled in believing that, I reject the idea now. I do not believe that you have to talk to a person 24/7 (especially if it is a long distance relationship), I don’t think it is necessary to give the person an hour to an hour account of what you are doing each day, and updating the other person of your moves hourly. NO! I reject this idea now. I think you can and you have to be free in a relationship to make it last.

With freedom comes trust, the trust to know that regardless of what the person will be doing, where and who with, the person will always stay faithful to you. Of course you may want and need to set some basic grounds because we all have our different ideas of ‘normal’. But what isn’t normal is locking the person inside a cage, even if it is a golden cage, it is still a cage. Now I think there is something special when you two have the freedom to do things you want and then come back to the same bed and share all the minutes of happiness you had separate together. Of course there will always be people who would prefer the golden cage, but that will never be me.

Truly yours,

xxx