‘To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness’
Dear person behind the blog,
Parents, they play a very big part of our life. Just excluding the fact that they gave life to us, they also raised us to be the people we are now. I know that a lot may disagree and say that there are bad parents, just as there are good parents. And that only the second can teach us something. I don’t think I can agree with that because those who are not as good at parenting, still show us what we do not want to be, maybe a painful example, but it helps us to understand the people we do not want to be. But looking at the picture more widely, our parents (and so are we) are only humans, we all make mistakes and we all have our regrets.
What I mean is, sometimes we disagree with what our parents say and not understand why our parents can’t see things the way we see them. I mean why can’t people who share our blood, not see what our eyes see. Yes, things like that happen because we are still different people and we were raised differently and most importantly in a different world. A world which shaped their understanding and believes to be completely different to ours. I know my parents really try and learn to see things with my eyes and yes sometimes they fail, but I can’t blame them for that.
What I am trying to say is that our parents had a different life and a different experience from which we had, maybe their life was a lot harder than ours. I know sometimes it may seem that their advice goes completely against what we want for ourselves, but we have to understand they base their advice on their life. But our life is not theirs. But that doesn’t always mean that they don’t understand, just it may be so that what is best for us in their eyes, is not the same what we want to see for ourself.
Sometimes it may be beyond hard for us to overstep ourselves and try see things from their eyes, but sometimes it is necessary in order to save that relationship with them, because at the end of the day they are the two people who will be for us and with us no matter what we do in our lives. That is not to say we have to accept what they tell us, but it does mean that we should try to explain to them our feelings in a way that won’t reject theirs. At the end of the day, even though it might be hard, we have to care for them in the time that we still have them.
Dear person behind the screen,
of course we age with every day of our lives, but it only becomes apparent when the special birthday strikes. Then you know for sure another year have passed you by, a year you will never be able to return. Yes, I know that I probably sound very melancholic about those joyful days. I mean who doesn’t like birthdays, right?
Well I absolutely loved them until I turned 18. And after, it became quite an adventure. Two people fighting within me: one a little child who still received every second of the day as happiness, and then another who was incredibly sad that childhood is ended and all I have to look forward to is adulthood. Now don’t get me wrong, being grown up has it up’s too, a lot of them in fact. But something I have found is that the more people grow up the faster they forget that they too were a child once too. Looking at some people, it almost seems like they were born adults.
I realised that what really distinguishes people from each other is that some still have childhood shining through their eyes. And those people are truly the best kind, people who can laugh out loud without caring what others think of them, chasing a dream no matter how impossible it seems, and more importantly believing in miracles. Why most importantly, because as Peter Pan taught us: you have to believe to be able to fly.
I struggle to let go a part of my childhood and I honestly tried to keep hold of it for as long as I could. So I can’t look at those young girls trying to grow up so fast, without a tear in my eyes. Because putting on make up – doesn’t mean grown up, dressing up as a grown up – doesn’t mean grown up, having sex- doesn’t mean grown up, drinking doesn’t mean it either. I have a niece, she just turned 6 this year, so young, such a child. But she already can’t wait to become a grown up and her parents encourage that I believe.
But I always keep telling her to enjoy being a child, because you will be an adult for the rest of your life.
Dear person behind the screen,
I strongly believe that most of us (and by that I mean 99.99%) have been in a dysfunctional relationship at least once in their life. By a dysfunctional relationship I do not mean a relationship which has simply ended: no. I mean a relationship which has already died in your heart or in a heart of your partner, but for one reason or another its spirit still lingers around. By that I mean that you (and I want to talk about us rather than our partners) have not found the inner strength to break things off.
I think in the cases of ‘yes, my partner treats me like dirt but I still love them’, things are fairly obvious. You can’t dump them because you love them. I mean who am I to judge that, I have a box of pens which don’t write for years now, just because they are too cute to throw away. But what about those who know that this relationship has no future and there is no love left, but more like attachment. Why do we keep playing along pretending that one day things may change, or waiting for that magical tomorrow, when we know we are going to wake up with the same feeling. Like what are we hopping for, that they will suddenly forget about our existence?
In my case, I knew that there is nothing I can do anymore. I cannot recall the exact moment when my feelings had died. I guess the Beatles were right when they sung ‘love has a nasty habit of disappearing over night’, because in my experience it really can. And it is not something they did or something that you did (even though it can really be both), but sometimes love just out lives itself. I guess it is really just common sense, if it is not true love, it will die eventually, give it a month or 4 years, it will happen.
So the reason I continued with the relationship was because I did not want to hurt my partner. And I felt selfish for doing so, but how do you tell somebody you still care about that you want to kill a dream in a day which you two took a year to build? But what happened was instead of breaking his heart, I broke mine. For I was not happy leaving a pretence. And so when I finally found the courage to say ‘I feel nothing anymore’, I finally felt happy for admitting to myself and to my partner that I have given up long ago. Before that moment I had wished that my partner would dump me, so that I wouldn’t be the one breaking promises.
But after it was over, I realised one thing. Never again am I sacrificing my own happiness like that. Because at the end of the day, you are all you have.
‘Getting lost is just another way of saying going exploring’
Dear person behind the screen,
have you ever felt lost? Lost geographically within your own thoughts and feelings? Lost to the point that you don’t know whether it is your mind or heart telling you what to do. I think one of the advices given most often to those who are confused is: ‘Listen to your heart, it always knows best’. But what if your heart had quit the occupation of a relationship adviser and exhibits it’s potential in pumping blood?
It feels better when you are torn over a decision because at least then you know there are as many doors you can close, just as many as you can open. But what if you are sitting in your living room, looking around and you understand that you have everything a person needs, but at the same time there is something you can’t distinguish. Something is simply not where. But what is it? You don’t know.
Another advice I heard just as many times, is that things are always more clear in the mornings. But what if your morning is just as dark as your night. Sure, the sun has replaced the moon, but nether the less, it is shining for somebody else. Somebody who knows exactly what they want.
And no, it is not because you don’t have a dream. You do, your pockets are full of dreams. Of course, they can fit more, but it is not what you are lacking. When I was younger I used to break my head over finding to a solution of why things are like so.
But now I understand. That sometimes, you need to allow yourself to be lost in order to be found.
‘When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.’
Dear person behind the screen,
I have been thinking about priorities recently. When we fall in love or feel sympathy or meet new friends, we learn to separate them from the rest of the people we know or that we used to know. In other words we learn to prioritize, drawing fine lines between people for who we will be there no matter what and others. This made me think: you can never be too busy, it is all a matter of priorities.
So what do you do when you are prepared to stay up till 5 am to hear from a person, cancel a meeting you have planned long ago just because they need you this second, or even sacrifice other relationships of various natures just to be with them. What do you do, when you stay up fighting through sleep but that call never comes through. A thought that you are not the priority. Have you ever been one at all?
The impulsive persona within me wants to treat the person the same way, to make them understand that my care in not unconditional and that I wont always be there at the first call. But after a few minutes or maybe hours, the truth becomes apparent. They might act like that, but you don’t want to be like them, you want to treat people the way you want to be treated. And so you let it go.
Does this mean that you swallow your pride and allow them to take advantage of you or does this simply mean you care? Regardless of which one it is, how long can this go on? Of course, we can’t (at least most of us can’t) read minds, and that person really might care. But how many times do you have to get hurt because the person rejects your affection and feelings because of something that somebody else did to them?
Perhaps no relationships can be as smooth as sunshine, there always comes a shadow But which shadow do you over look and which do you escape?
Photo credits: BestSayings