Never on Your List

“Don’t shave my head to make your wig of selfishness. Shave it because you care.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALEHow-to-love-1

Dear Person Behind the Screen,

I have learnt to understand that it is impossible to expect people to do exactly what you would do in their situation.

Wait, this is rather vague.

I feel like it is rather natural for people to need somebody who cares. An obvious rule of that, is being the one who cares too. Because how can you expect something honest and real when you can’t give it in return. This sounds rather materialistic, but isn’t it true? I mean can you truly appreciate or experience love if you are not capable of love? My opinion: no. And the same opinion applies to care too.

With love it is somewhat different because sometimes you fall in love and there is really little you can do about it, and sometimes you don’t even choose who you fall in love with. But is it the same with care? At what point do you stop yourself from caring about somebody who does not care (or at least does not care enough) about you and is it even possible?

And I understand that every individual has their own level of capability to show love or care. But when you are willing to do so much just to let the person know you are here for them… and well when you need them you hear radio silence.

And don’t get me wrong, I understand that sometimes people make mistakes and there are misunderstandings and so many other reasons which later turn into excuses. So when is it crossing the line?

For me love is more than just holding hands. So when the person is there for you to share happiness, but is missing from your misery… is it still love?

What do you think?

Truly yours,

xxx

Can you love through the pain?

“We accept the love we think we deserve.”
― Stephen Chbosky

Dear person behind the screen,

and so I tell you I need to talk. And so I tell you how it is important to me to talk today. And so you say you understand. And so you will say you will be capable of calling. And you would put me in front of everything and help me talk to me. Of course I didn’t tell you that something serious had happened. Was that the mistake? But I did tell you that I need to talk. Do I even need to so specify that I got a text from you at 4 am saying you won’t call? I suppose I didn’t, but let’s make things apparent.

So what does this mean? Does it mean you don’t care and sex drugs and rockNroll goes in front of me uncoditionally? Would I ask too much if I would expect you to call for 5 minutes to at least ask what happened? Or text me through what is happening? But no, your friends are more important.

The question is. Do you accept it? Becuase the problem is that when you put this aside, you two are almost perfect together and happiness doesn’t end (too cliche?). So what do you do about ‘little’ things like that? They do hurt and you do mention them, but as in everything history always repeats itself. How do you deal with this?

One thing I learned is that you can’t save everybody, same as you can’t change people just because of what they do to you. I mean they are people to and they are who they are, if you fall in love you fall in love with the person they are, not the person you can make out of them. Confusion. Can you love through the pain?

I know that I am not going to ask you ‘is it worth it question’ because only you know whether it is worth it or not, nobody knows your relationship as good as you do. But how do you decide if it is?

Truly yours,

xxx

Please let me breathe…

Dear person behind the screen,

I know you and I have briefly talked about this before, but I am only human, it happens that thougths in my head tend to repeat themselves, only when they do they are added by more wonder, more questions, more concerns.

So how important it is in a relationship to be able to breathe? In my experience of relationships which had so much oppression, control and passive physical and mental obsession in them, I learned that for me breathing and having the freedom to breathe and act is one of the most important things. One thing I never understood is that how is it possible to preserve love and feelings if there is no room for them to grow because of constant oppression? Or is oppression a sick way to show you care and to make you feel loved?

Of course I can’t be generalising here saying it is bad for everybody because I know people who like to be ‘controled’. But when I hear boyfriends telling their sweethearts that they shouldn’t dress up because they aren’t there or go out when they could talk to them instead. I don’t understand that. Aren’t those little things you could decide for yourself? And wouldn’t a relationship be stronger  if you two would have a life to attend and meet together, lay in bed and share all the little things? And then live through other, yet just as special, little things together? But can that really happen if you just control every little aspect of your lives?

Just a thought of the day.

Truly yours,

xxx

I am in love with You, not who You were born to be.

“I have no objection to anyone’s sex life as long as they don’t practice it in the street and frighten the horses.”
― Oscar Wilde

Dear person behind the screen,

labels is something we meet and experience on daily basis. Without knowing it we label those around us and ourselves too. Some labels are more hurtful than others, and other labels are just there for convinience. In fact, for our convinience, because they help us to understand ourselves and where our feelings, beliefs and thoughts come from.

However don’t we limit ourselves when we give each other a category we fit? I know the thought I am about to propose will be controversal and not everybody would understand or agree with it. But freedom to the thoughts, right?

In my life time I never had any specific encounter with a person of the same sex as me, however for some time now I refused to call myself straight. Most people might find it weird because I never had a girlfriend nor was I attracted to a girl in a sexual way. However why should I tell myself that I never will be able to?

When you fall in love, truly fall in love, don’t you fall for the person? For their character and the little things they do and say, for how they make you feel? And not necesserily for what they carry in their pants?

I know a lot of people would disagree and perhaps say that they know that they are just that or this. And indeed those are lucky people who know. But I just want to put accross that it is not important to exactly know who you are and where you stand, don’t close paths you don’t know if you could possibly take them. Just open your heart to love and see what that wonderful feeling brings!

Truly yours,

xxx

How long can you blame me for something they did?

“I guess that’s just part of loving people: You have to give things up. Sometimes you even have to give them up.”
― Lauren Oliver

Dear person behind the screen,

let’s say you fall for someone. Let’s say you fall hard and you really want this to last, you really think it is special. And let’s say the person falls for you too. Perfect scenario isn’t it? But what if that person have really been hurt in the past and that past still lingers on his lips. And every time he kisses you, he remembers the kisses of the past pain. Now that doesn’t mean he or she is not fully committed to you, they are, but they are still broken and there is little they can do about it.

So you accept it, because you accept them fully. And you keep picking up the pieces. But what if those pieces are sharp and every time you take one in your hand and hand it over, you help them, but you hurt yourself. Looking in their eyes you know what they feel towards you, but they will never say it and sometimes they act like they don’t care because they are scared to let go fully. And you understand that and once again you accept it.

But how long can you be hurt because of something somebody else have done? They are long gone and probably have moved on. And he/she too, they moved on too and don’t even understand that the past you had nothing to do with and wasn’t a player in, hurts you daily because you are the one left with the consequences of somebody elses heart-break.

How long can this go on? Do you sacrifice yourself if that means you’re the one will be happier? Or does your happiness matter the most?

Truly yours,

xxx

A movement to keep living.

‘The best way out is always through.’

-Robert Frost

Dear person behind the screen,

‘Breathe in… Breathe out…’ – those are the words I heard so often from so many people around me, be it a yoga instructor, my mother or my friends. And I know many of you have heard these words, which supposed to help you whether you are feeling sad, angry or cheated. Does breathing actually help? I think it truly does on one level, it does help you to calm down that instance(or maybe a few instances after that). But I think I have grown to understand the real meaning of these words, they have a rather metaphorical meaning.

Of course, breathing is important, breathing sustains life. But I think through out life it is important to learn how to breathe out your problems. Because let’s be honest did worrying ever help anyone? Well okay, I must agree that there is probably a case where it did help, but still, not the point. The point is that if you keep worrying about the little things, there is a big chance that you might miss the actual ‘big’ thing. So I think I am growing to understand that one of the most important things you can learn in life is to care for things which are truly important to you and your closests, the rest comes after (if it comes at all).

Of course to determine what is important and what’s not it is important to find an aim you strike for, maybe an aim and purpose in life sounds a bit too much and so I am saying an aim that is important to you now. Yes, looking back in 10 years you might think that you wasted your time on it, but if it was important for you then, this is all that matters. I think in life we should always have a certain aim or a direction. Otherwise is it life at all if you never strike to move?

Truly yours,

xxx

Because everybody needs a moment to move on…

‘Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realising that the only perfect you really have control over is yourself.’

-Deborah Reber.

Dear person behind the screen,

for so long now I have written about relationship, how to deal with them while they are still blooming or so to say. And I have also talked about the nature of the mysterious word love, why and most importantly how does it strike us and whether it can strike all of us. But I never before have mentioned how to deal with break up’s. Actually forget the ‘how’, we all have our how’s. But let’s just talk about break up’s. The elegy of heartbreak.

I know that a relationship can be killed in many ways. Sometimes both of the people kill it together because neither of them see the perfect future. Sometimes one person has to take the blame. Sometimes one backstabs the relationship. However when for one reason or another two people who were the closest part away, what happens then?

I know that we all have our ways to deal with pain and it is obvious that if you initiated the break up, then what you do is move on and find your happiness with another. But what if you were left, by somebody you thought you will be with forever. I understand that would hurt, it has to hurt. But I think what hurts more is constantly reminding yourself of it. I know you can’t erase memories and you shouldn’t because every memory in a relationship is a teacher in your new love. Whether you accept the lesson or not, it is out there.

But I am talking about reminders like stalking their social media, stalking their friends to find out what have your lost one has been doing. Or even worse you stalk whether they had found someone new. Why do you do this to yourself? And this stalking, I’m sure that your lost one will find it out too and it won’t make them feel any better knowing you are still in the same park they have left months ago. Of course there are people who might enjoy that, but not most people are like that I don’t think.

So this leads me to thinking, if you really loved that person truly, wouldn’t you want them to be happy regardless if it is with you, alone or with somebody else? But I suppose, not all are as strong to allow themselves to leave this moment. Or are is the saying that time is the best doctor true? That all you need is time?

Truly yours,

xxx