I don’t want to let you break my heart.

‘For my part, I prefer my heart to be broken. It is so lovely, dawn-kaleidoscopic within the crack.’

-D.H. Lawrence.Sunset_2007-1

Dear person behind the screen,

I have realized (or perhaps I have been reminded yet again) that the best medicine or remedy for a broken heart is sleep. I mean we are all looking for something to take away the pain. Especially during the night, it is easy to be hardboiled about things during the day, but it is ever so harder to do the same during the night. Hence when you finally fall asleep, you stop thinking. You stop feeling.

I know that every problem is different and some problems take you in completely:day&night and over again. But there are those little heartaches and disappointments which seem the world yesterday, but in the morning seems like little things you were just drilling your heart with for no reason. This has happened to me yesterday, and now I woke up and I look back and I still know why I got hurt. If the same happened today all over again, I would get hurt all over again. And there is little I can do, just little things always meant the world to me. And if somebody could not live up to them, I felt pain. I feel pain.

But remembering the remedy of sleep, I am wondering whether we can reach that painless state of mind while being awake too. I know there are people who dream about their problems, concerns and heartaches when they have them. But for the most part, you disappear into a different reality. So why can’t that reality be within the life itself.

That reality starts with taking care of your own feelings, with forbidding little things get to you, with forbidding people to treat you anything than what you think you deserve. Or perhaps it is just about finding people for whom you will always be somebody special. And finding people who would consider your feelings first.

Truly yours,

Xxx

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